TWW is The Warped Woodturner who is a local artist living in a suburb of Springbrook, WI (pop 87). His mission is to use a wood lathe to make interesting but mostly useless objects from locally-sequestered carbon for tourists to bring back to the city to give to people they had to buy something for but don't like that well. His target market is the senior citizens since their vision is not as good as it used to be so cannot see the defects as well.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Limbbowl series

In TWW's continuing attempt to cash in on the Bush-haters in search of something to hate movement (BHISSH) we are planning a series of Rush Limbbowls. These bowls would have big mouths for starters and other features yet to be decided upon. BHISSHs could write their inner feelings on little notes and wad them up and fill up the bowl with their venomous vitriols.

Friday, January 30, 2009

More global cooling coming

Some times all of the good work done by TWW and fellow carbon dioxide sequesters is completely overshadowed by mother Gaia.

AP reports:

"Alaskans brace for Redoubt Volcano eruption

Email this Story

Jan 30, 6:37 AM (ET)


ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) - Hardware stores and auto parts shops scored a post-holiday run of business this week as Anchorage-area residents stocked up on protective eyewear and masks ahead of a possible eruption of Mount Redoubt.

Monitoring earthquakes underneath the 10,200-foot Redoubt Volcano about 100 miles southwest of Anchorage, scientists from the Alaska Volcano Observatory warned that an eruption was imminent, sending experienced Alaskans shopping for protection against a dusty shower of volcanic ash that could descend on south-central Alaska."

Read the entire article at: source:

More evidence of climate change

The camera got too cold again and stopped working again so TWW only got two boring pictures but at least they are not political.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Even pork has a silver lining?

Nobel Laureate Al Gore has said on many occasions the science on climate change (called Global Warming until the recent cold weather) is all settled. Gore also testified before John Kerry's committee yesterday during the cold weather saying Congress should pass BO's stimulus package. The stimulus package has about $400 million for more climate change research on the science Gore says is all settled. So we know enough about climate change to be able to write policies to save us from ourselves and the way we live but we still need more research?

We could buy quite a few wind turbines with this pork money and the wind turbines keep CO2 out of the air. The super computers the research money will buy with this money will put more CO2 into the air since supercomputers are energy hogs.

The hidden silver lining comes from Thomas Kuhn. In his book about the history of science he says most science is normal science where people do research to refine current scientific models (in other words prove the scientific consensus is correct). Then at some point researchers start finding their research is pointing out problems with the old model and someone comes along with a new model (paradigm) and people run around talking about paradigm shifts. The silver lining is the $400 million may work towards showing the current scientific consensus is bogus and may actually be worth the government money it is costing the taxpayers.

(source of dollar amount for climate change research: .

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Old song for a new administration

The song 'We Can Work it Out' is the song of compromise from the Baby Boom generation. (We can work it out if you do things my way). Our new President has adopted it as his own..

Verse #1

Try to see it my way,
Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on?
While you see it your way,
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone.


We can work it out,
We can work it out.

Verse #2
Think of what you're saying.
You can get it wrong and still you think that it's all right.
Think of what I'm saying,
We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night.

We can work it out,
We can work it out.

Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.

Verse #3
Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long.

We can work it out,
We can work it out.

Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.

Verse #4
Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long.

We can work it out,
We can work it out.

Source of lyrics:

Source of picture:

Link of the day for people who want to be shocked by the younger generation or press here ===> ??????

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Countdown Calendar Replacement Product Ideas

Corporate jets. Lavish office redecorating. Whining about the percs of the CEO-types has become the way the Bush/Palin haters can now spew their venom in public even though neither Bush or Palin have any power and Obama won and promised to lead us into the promised land of peace and love. They miss their calendars.

The question for TWW is how to capitalize on this outpouring of venom with round products made of wood to squester carbon. Any ideas are welcome. A wooden spittoon with a picture of GW in the bottom may be an idea. There must be more.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Walking on water

TWW decided if the new guy in the White House can walk on water so can he. The difference is TWW has to do it in the winter.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

If life gives you lemonade make strange attractor bowls

TWW cut down an old cherry tree in the summer (he had adult supervision from RA) and now got around to making some cherry bowls. The problem was the center of the tree was frozen mush (-15 F last night) and the bark came off. This meant regular bowls and natural bowls with the bark would not work out. So as a last resort TWW tried making a strange attractor bowl. The nice thing about a blog on the Internet nobody reads is you don't have to know what you are talking about and nobody is the wiser. See the definition of a strange attractor and see if you think the new bowl series is scientifically named. Click on this this ---> LINK
So are the bowls strange attractors or is the woodturner who thinks he has created a work of art just strange and not an attractor ?

Friday, January 23, 2009

Climate Change Quiz

When asked "Do we have time to ...... save ourselves from climate change?"

This person answered: "
Not a hope in hell. Most of the "green" stuff is verging on a gigantic scam. Carbon trading, with its huge government subsidies, is just what finance and industry wanted. It's not going to do a damn thing about climate change, but it'll make a lot of money for a lot of people and postpone the moment of reckoning. I am not against renewable energy, but to spoil all the decent countryside in the UK with wind farms is driving me mad. It's absolutely unnecessary, and it takes 2500 square kilometres to produce a gigawatt - that's an awful lot of countryside."
Who was the person?
  • Prince Charles
  • Al Gore
  • James Lovelock
Correct answer: Lovelock. This is the guy who invented the Gaia theory and saved us from atmospheric chlorofluorocarbons. If you worship Gaia, thank Lovelock for creating the theory that grew into a modern religion.

source of quotes:
source of photo:

Thursday, January 22, 2009

New toughtest job in the world

Picture yourself working in the marketing department of a company selling deodorant. How can you sell the stuff in the Obama era? First of all it is politically-incorrect to use the new president's middle name. That means his initials are BO. Next he is married to a wife who told Glamour magazine "he is too snore-y and stinky" when talking about how their kids don't want to come into bed with the parents when BO is there.
This all adds to a marketing dilemma. The job of these marketers may be even more difficult than being a Republican and trying to figure out how to criticize the Democrats in the era of "People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along
? " like Rodney King said during a riot in LA.

source of MO quote:

source for picture:

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Do you have that empty feeling too??

After a fun year of spewing his venom each morning upon seeing the latest entry in Mrs. TWW's Bush-Haters Anonymous countdown calendar, TWW awoke this morning to find an empty shell with no more Bushisms to allow him to feel superior to the Clown from Crawford. This has left a gaping hole in how he begins the day. Any idea how to fill the void? TWW is sure the phones will be ringing off the hook today as people call their therapists as they cope with the void they feel. All comments are appreciated.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Bipartisanship Rules

We rule again (as we should have been the last eight years) so in the spirit of bipartisanship: get used to it and keep your mouth shut! We know what is best.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Out for a Sunday walk in the era of climate change

Camera battery conks out

and with that the camera battery gave out until it was thawed out inside the house.

Don't worry. It is not what you may think

No. This blog has not reached a new level of depravity. This is a pile of wood shavings from creating a cherry bowl. The lathe is fixed so from now on there will be more boring bowls and less bull (yea right).

Saturday, January 17, 2009

More information on secrets released below

TWW forgot to mention earlier that when he was in training for working in intell one of the first things the trainer told the neo-spooks was the only way two people can keep a secret is if one of them is dead. TWW flipped a coin and you lost. TWW is sorry if this causes you any inconvenience.

No longer a secret

Since you can read secret government information in the New York Times TWW thought it was time he released some secrets from his military intelligence days of 35 years ago. Now you can say you know a secret.

Friday, January 16, 2009

As people in the local area hunkered down last night to read their local newspaper and hope the pipes did not freeze they got to read TWW's latest crackpot letter to the editor. (Mrs. TWW wants everyone to know she did not approve this letter). This letter was sent to the newspaper as people in the local area were reacting to an announcement by Wal-Mart that it was not going to build a store opposed by some local activists
in the area

Text of letter:

The recent conflict between economic growth (as in Wal-Mart) and the anti-capitalists is really a clash of last century values. As the federal government gets the auto industry to finally build the cars America wants with good gas mileage and limited cargo hauling capacity the tourist industry will change. With fewer trailers hauling toys coming to the area and people visiting having less gear to play with, it's time to find a way to put xxxxxxxx (name of local city withheld for security reasons) on the map as an innovative area to attract some of the green businesses sure to arise during the coming President Barrack Obama era.

Here is an example of the new thinking we need locally. How about a new winter festival called the Global Warming Days festival (GWD for short)? GWD would have events like electric snowmobile races, ice fishing from solar heated shacks, SUV smashing contests, new foods like ice cheese and beer freezes, a parade with no carbon footprint and ice melting contests where high school kids rubbed blocks of ice with tooth brushes. GWD could also be educational if it invited global warming skeptics who are so desperate for platforms they would gladly join the festival and stand on platforms above dunking tanks to vent their skepticism while people threw snowballs at the release levers to dunk the deniers into water heated by solar water heaters. Of course the festival would mean mass transit using biofuels to get people here from the big city. This letter is only scratching the surface of possible events for a GWD festival. There is no reason a GWD festival could not get more national media attention in the winter than the skinny ski race up the road.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Will the experts ever get it right?

It was -28 F this morning falling short of analyst's expectations.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Life enrichment through a Staycation

To help save the planet by lowering her carbon footprint, Mrs. TWW bought a vehicle to use on her staycations (a vacation while staying home or near home). As she sits and pedals she does not have to worry about eyestrain from the scenery whizzing by and she can feel smug with the thought she is helping save the planet.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Now they are coming after your TV set

quoted from another blog:

Plasma TVs: The SUVs of the Living Room

That sleek flat-panel TV may look small, but it could well be a big power hog.

When the Australian government wanted to create a six-star system to rate the energy efficiency of television sets, it found that most of the big plasma sets wouldn’t meet its minimum requirements. They could be banned as a result."

see the complete blog entry at:

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Global Cooling: The latest communist conspiracy

( picture from the article)

Writing in Pravda Gregory F. Fegel says: "While concern over the dubious threat of Anthropogenic Global Warming continues to distract the attention of people throughout the world, the very real threat of the approaching and inevitable Ice Age, which will render large parts of the Northern Hemisphere uninhabitable, is being foolishly ignored."


TWW can only conclude from this, that the global warming skeptics are communist stooges or useful idiots (though it is also possible Fegel works for the big Russian oil company and is on the take like the skeptics in the US who have been bought out by Exxon).

Friday, January 09, 2009

Global Warming Days

Times have changed. Local areas need to stop being last century with their festivals designed to attract tourists. With this in mind the Garbin Moraine Foundation is planning a new festival to draw tourists to GM. We are calling it Global Warming Days. Right now this is a germ of an idea so we are asking your help with ideas (please leave them as comments).
So far this is what we can tell you:
  • We need a global sponsor and are thinking of asking Exxon for help (If that does not work we will lobby Washington to get some of the bailout money)
  • Possible events include: a fishing contest using solar heated ice houses, snowmobile races with electric snowmobiles, a ducking pond where global warming skeptics can preach their blasphemy and people toss snowballs at the lever to dump the skeptics into the solar heated pond, and ?? (be creative)
  • There will be methane collecting privies with fuel cells to light the event
  • There will be solar battery charging stations at the bars so people can recharge their sleds as well as their bodies
  • Mass transit bio-fuel powered buses to bring people up from the city
  • Local business will keep their establishments at 60 degrees to show support for the festival
  • There must be other ideas you can help out with. Thanks

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Do you really want to tell 'them' ?

As mentioned in the December 26th post, TWW is going to stop giving money to charities and start whining for the government to take care of everthing (the federal government is making lots of progress in that direction lately but more is needed). So the question is how to whine and be heard. Here is a great solution. You can become part of the sample of people who get asked by Zogby.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Loyal followers

Here is your chance to show your loyalty to this blog. There at least 3 of you out there who have not signed up as followers yet. Look at the left hand side of the blog to learn how. Please do not assume TWW is a leader if you are a follower. TWW thinks you are on your own.

One repairman short of a lathe

At least we got the parts.

Monday, January 05, 2009

The Gore Effect Explained

"The so-called Gore Effect happens when a global warming-related marked by exceedingly cold weather or unseasonably winter weather." - Politico article

Chaos Theory to the Rescue: "The phrase refers to the idea that a butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that may ultimately alter the path of a tornado or delay, accelerate or even prevent the occurrence of a tornado in a certain location. The flapping wing represents a small change in the initial condition of the system, which causes a chain of events leading to large-scale alterations of events. Had the butterfly not flapped its wings, the trajectory of the system might have been vastly different. While the butterfly does not cause the tornado, the flap of its wings is an essential part of the initial conditions resulting in a tornado." Wikepedia article on Butterfly Effect

So there you have it. When cold weather totally out of the ordinary happens when there is a global warming event, you now know it was caused by Al Gore flapping his gums in Tennessee thereby setting up initial conditions in the weather system impacting the weather some place else. Computer models and scientific consensus agree with this statement in case you were wondering.

Source of photo and quote:

Friday, January 02, 2009

More good news for Bush-haters

There are thousands of shoes along a highway in Florida for throwing at Bush before he leaves office. Get yours today.


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