The Warped Woodturner (TWW) is a local artist traveling his artist's journey in a suburb of Springbrook, WI (pop. 536). TWW's creative calling is to use a wood lathe to make useless objects from locally-sequestered organic carbon for tourists to bring back to the city to give to people they had to buy something for but do not like that much. His target market is the senior citizens since their vision is not as good as it used to be so cannot see the defects as well. His marketing jingle is: “Bowls as simple as their creator”.

Terms and conditions

The following terms and conditions apply for receiving a TWW sequestered carbon product
  • New text: All proceeds (price less consignment fees if applicable) are now going to be donated to organizations fighting climate change. Currently the only organization receiving donations is the Bass Lake Association (viewers are left to decide which Bass Lake)
  • Suggested donation formula for items bought directly from TWW Enterprises:
    • Measure the diameter and height of the bowl and multiply them together. 
    • Multiply the result by two to get manufacturer's suggested retail price.
    •  Lower the price in increments until you begin to feel quilty about short-changing the fight against climate change 
    • The previous price is what you should pay
    • Note: this policy may be waived for lake association officers
  • old text: All useless products sequestering carbon are currently available at no cost (would you expect people to pay you for your video gaming, golfing or gambling?)
  • However you may have to pay an exorbitant shipping and handling cost for the shipping box and postage (using InLaw Delivery Services means free shipping) 
  • TWW may send products at his expense in certain cases to lucky customers 
  • To apply for receiving a TWW sequestered-carbon product please use the Contact Us  button above to email TWW at his Yahoo Warped Woodturner email account describing what you would like
  • If you are unfortunate enough to have your order approved you can use the Donate button on this web site to send the money for shipping and handling using Paypal if applicable
  • Products are not guaranteed
  • All sales are final
  • Customer promises not to give TWW anything in return other than paying for shipping if applicable
  • People donating logs are entitled to at least 25% of the bowls made from their donation and maybe more up to 75% of all bowls meeting TWW's low quality standards
  • These terms and conditions may change at any time to favor TWW Enterprises and not the customers
  • For more information on TWW's philosophy of social intercourse see this article:
https://www.thefreelibrary.com/Principles+of+successful+country+freeloading.-a0137921061

Even the animals get great customer service
 (released within minutes)


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