TWW is The Warped Woodturner who is a local artist living in a suburb of Springbrook, WI (pop 87). His mission is to use a wood lathe to make interesting but mostly useless objects from locally-sequestered carbon for tourists to bring back to the city to give to people they had to buy something for but don't like that well. His target market is the senior citizens since their vision is not as good as it used to be so cannot see the defects as well.

Monday, December 31, 2007

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Upside down bottomless bowl


Mrs. TWW requisitioned one of TWW's bottomless bowls and put it to good use.



Thursday, December 27, 2007

Every dog wants to be the last one to claim the hydrant

As a concerned citizen TWW sent his latest crackpot letter to the editor of the local newspaper using a pen name for security purposes. Newspaper editors edit letters sent by rank amateurs for clarity. Below is how the editor clarified TWW's letter.

TWW's orginal letter said: "city people taking unnecessary trips in their BIG SUVs ".


After editing for clarity the letter said: "city people taking unnecessary trips in their "big sport utility vehicles" SUVs ".
That is what appeared in the paper version of the newspaper.

The printed version is usually supposed to also be found here: http://www.spooneradvocate.com/advocate/?section_id=60 (you will need to look through all the other opinions to find it).
.
Since it is the holiday season and the letter was not full of holiday cheer it may never see the day of light on the newspaper's web site. Here is the original text of the letter:
.
"One topic the recent interesting article on the creative economy in Northwestern Wisconsin did not cover was the inconvenient truth people call global warming. Currently, the survival of many local businesses depends on city people taking unnecessary trips in their BIG SUVs (only needed to haul fossil fuel burning toys), then once they are here taking unnecessary trips to town to buy unneeded trinkets to take back to the city. At least that is how the global warming and sustainability purists would seem to describe it. This picture may change with the federal government starting to respond to the global warming mania. It is hard to believe higher gas mileage standards won’t impact people with gas guzzlers. Whether you believe in climate change or not what counts for the local economy is what the government does to car and truck ownership. In the future catering to more tourists in small cars who cannot pull trailers may be in the cards. The slogan "Embrace climate change" may be just as important for the local economy as talking about a creative economy. "
.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Happy Holiday Season to all Three Loyal Visitors

TWW wishes all of his loyal viewers a disease-free holiday season and a good 2008 (especially the liberals since their ordeal is nearly over).




Thanks to the owners of the following link for loaning the image:
http://www.roadkilltshirts.com/images/products/SANTA-PORN_RK.jpg
Viewers with animal rights issues may want to check out their great animal picture collection.

Battery pack neeeded




TWW wanted a cordless drill so he started out by cutting off the cord on an old-time electrical drill. When he went to the local Radio Shack they told him they did not sell batteries that would work with his drill. Does anyone have any idea what he should do next?

Friday, December 21, 2007

Which Global Warming Consensus to Believe?

Click on the following link to learn about a growing consensus of scientists who are not believers in global warming: http://epw.senate.gov/public/index.cfm?FuseAction=Minority.SenateReport

Thought for the day: Is there a consensus amongst the lemmings before they run off the cliff?

Post-Holiday Customer Appreciation Sale Pre-Announcement


The TWW Enterprises annual customer appreciation sale will be held January 5th - January 19th at the main workshop discount store. All Signature Quality bowls will be priced with a 40% surcharge, all Signature Lined-Through class bowls will have a 25% surcharge and all Unmarked bowls will have a 10% surcharge. For example, a Signature Quality bowl normally priced at $20 will have an added surcharge of 40% x $20 = $8. The sale price will be $28 plus tax. TWW appreciates your loyalty

There is a consensus of TWW's customers that his prices are the best around and that in the future bad things will happen to you if you do not agree.


Customers: If you are not aware of the new TWW Enterprises Bowl Quality Rating Policy see: http://warpedwoodturner.blogspot.com/2007/12/new-tww-enterprises-quality-marking.html

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Early Christmas present

TWW got a great early Christmas present this year. He always wanted a switchblade to add to his arsenal.

First picture shows the switchblade folded in the safe position.


This picture shows it ready for action.


The writing on the blade says "Poor Man's Switchboade"

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

New bowl line


Our latest line of bowls comes from our partner Ruskie & Nan's Ltd. These bowls are imported from northern Africa so again there is only a limited number available. TWW's normal disclaimers do not apply to these bowls.


Monday, December 17, 2007

Thursday, December 13, 2007

New TWW Enterprises Quality Marking Policy

TWW Enterprises announces its quality bowl marking system. Bowl quality marks are now found on the bottom of each bowl TWW produces.

  • If you find TWW on the bottom of a bowl it signifies a TWW Signature Quality Bowl. This means TWW says this bowl meets and exceeds (but not by too much) TWW's promise of producing the best imperfect bowls possible

  • TWW (lined-through) means TWW originally thought this bowl met standards but on further examination found minor blemishes so withdrew the Signature Quality Bowl status awarded earlier. All previously owned bowls sold by TWW Enterprises automatically get this rating.

  • A bare bowl bottom shows TWW does not want to call this bowl his own. These bowls are factory 4ths and sold as such.

Note: All TWW lined-through bowls are sold at 3rd-rate prices and all TWW signature bowls are sold at 2nd-rate prices.

Press Release

For immediate release: On December 10th, 2007 TWW Enterprises issued the following statement:

"At TWW Enterprises we take quality and health issues seriously. Rest assured we do NOT use any lead paints on our bowls and children are in no way in danger from our bowls. (please note: TWW Enterprises takes no responsibility for what customers put in their bowls). So remember at TWW Enterprises all of our bowls are made by white European craftsman from wood taken from land ceded by the Native Americans, using only sustainable forestry practices and then handcrafted using only quality Chinese tools. When properly cared for and not burned our bowls will act as carbon sinks for centuries."

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Which center is in the middle?


There is a hidden roll of stamps inside the cherry base. (Click on the pic to expand it). The real question is whether to put the paper clip in the center of the tree or the center of the wood. Which looks better? For this one we tried to use the center of the tree so it looks off of center.

Lake Pictures




Sunday, December 09, 2007

Pictures from boring holiday newsletter





To save time for loyal visitors to this blog we are putting all of the photos from the boring holiday newsletter here for you to see. To opt out of getting a holiday newsletter this year please sign up using the convenient comment form below.

NAFTA superhighway to bypass TWW's neighborhood

The proposed nonexistent NAFTA superhighway is unfortunately not close enough to TWW's location to be of much use to TWW Enterprises. If you want more information on this nonexistent superhighway you cannot trust the media in the US. They say if If you think there is a conspiracy you are paranoid. The Canadian governments are a better source. They are part of the conspiracy. This link is to the government web site of Alberta: http://www.infratrans.gov.ab.ca/2760.htm (it is the source of the map above).

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Is there an ice age coming back?

While at the Columbia Ice Fields visitors center in Canada we learned how glaciers grow when more snow falls than melts in a year and shrink when less snow falls than melts in a year. Saturday it snowed. Sunday it snowed. Today it is supposed to snow. Clouds are supposed to keep things warmer but it is cloudy here and the experts say it will be 8 degrees below zero F tonight. Hopefully, global warming will come back next summer.

Here is what it is like in Maui. They have a sun. For now we can dream and borrow pictures.





source of picture:
http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/1446249/2/istockphoto_1446249_golden_beach_at_sunset_maui_hawaii.jpg




Monday, December 03, 2007

New Documentary from an EMBL Method Advocate



One of the original converts to the Eat More Breathe Less Method (EMBL) invented by Algore is Michael Moore. In his latest documentary, Fatso, Moore bravely takes on the diet and physical fitness industries for destroying the planet by convincing people they should not be personal carbon sinks (PCS). Diets and exercise contribute approximately 5% of the amount of CO2 released into the atmosphere each year in developed countries. The documentary will be available in 2008.

Source of picture: http://www.dba-oracle.com/images/fat_moore.jpg

Sunday, December 02, 2007

For a life enriching experience

make up your own caption for this one.



Is the drought over??

See this link: http://drought.unl.edu/dm/DM_state.htm?WI,MW

Winter comes early?

Saturday December 1st (Remember Winter starts December 22nd or so).





Sunday, December 2nd after a global warming induced early storm covers us with snow. BIG OIL must be in back of this to increase their obscene profits.


holey virgin bowls


Due to engineering advances we have been able to create an upgrade to models in the virgin bowl series. Holes in the bowls are available in both side and bottom holes. The holey virgin bowls in the series will have the higher identification numbers. Above are bowls with ID numbers from 69 to 71. (note: bowl #69 has already been sold).

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