TWW is The Warped Woodturner who is a local artist living in a suburb of Springbrook, WI (pop 87). His mission is to use a wood lathe to make interesting but mostly useless objects from locally-sequestered carbon for tourists to bring back to the city to give to people they had to buy something for but don't like that well. His target market is the senior citizens since their vision is not as good as it used to be so cannot see the defects as well.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The BANANA Split(ter)

Mr. BANANA insisted TWW use his REAL log splitter this fall instead of the toy one TWW usually uses. Nine rows have been split so far and as of tonight only 4 1/2 rows remain (13 rows is about four cords or more). Al Gore would be proud of TWW for using carbon already in the carbon cycle for the 2010-2011 burning season. . This task (splitting) will take about 25 hours when done plus another 20 one plus hour time slots were used used to cut up the logs in the first place. Life enrichment -- well maybe enrichment for the massage therapist is more accurate.

Apples and hops for life enrichment

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Delayed April Fool's Day Prank (or life enrichment)?

The workers from Q & D Construction Company - Ceilings Division may have played one of the best pranks yet seen on Garbin Moraine. Several years ago Q & D installed the grid for the ceiling at King Tut's Bar and Grill in the basement of Garbin Moraine Manor. In the process the workers disconnected the screws holding the lights and smoke detectors so they could install the grid for the ceiling and decided to play an April Fool's joke on TWW. The joke has finally come to fruition several years later and not on April Fool's Day.

Recently TWW heard a chirping noise in the bedroom in the basement. He dutifully replaced the battery in the bedroom smoke detector. The chirping continued. He replaced the battery again. Still chirping. He went to town and bought new batteries for all of smoke detectors and replaced all of the batteries. More chirping. He shut off the power and took batteries out checking for polarity and replaced them. More chirping. He pulled the batteries out and left the power off. Chirping went on unabated. He finally disconnected all of the smoke detectors in the basement and carried them upstairs.

Still the chirping went on. Late at night on Saturday after physically removing the smoke detectors from the area he listened for chirping wondering if it was crickets. Finally he heard the chirping above his head.

There was a smoke detector in the suspended ceiling dutifully trying to detect smoke and it had been doing so for several years until the battery gave out. The picture below shows the smoke detector sitting on the grid for the ceiling. When TWW put all the panels in he did not notice the smoke detector hidden up there. TWW sent DNA evidence to local authorities to learn the identify of the prankster.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Wear your respect on your chest

We found a link to some T-shirts that allow you to show your allegiance to our Leader. See:

Friday, September 25, 2009

Are you honophobic??

  • Does it bother you when people do not wash their hand every 5 minutes?
  • Do sneezing people make you nervous?
  • Does the sight of a pig make you break out in a cold sweat?
  • Do you wear a mask even if it is not Halloween?
  • Do you avoid crowds?
  • Do you wash the handle of the cart in a store?
  • Do you use a paper towel to open the door in the restroom before you go out?
If you answer 'yes' to three or more of these questions then you are HONOphobic.

HONO is short for H 1 N 1. It's everywhere and honophobes are deathly afraid deepdown they are honos and either avoid honos or even resort to violence againsf honos.

Speaking of fall

Here is a great little online tree stand safety course:

Chirpy, chirpy, cheep cheep

Using operant conditioning TWW has taught his smoke alarm in the lower bedroom to sing. Use this link to see the words and hear the song. Chirpy, Chirpy, Cheep, Cheep. TWW cannot figure out how to teach the alarm to stop singing so hopefully guests will think it is merely a cricket.

New life enrichment activity

When we get bored we call in outside help to enrich our lives. Today we are having the rugs cleaned.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Another Fall Day on GM

TWW: Self-portrait of the artist.

Come to think about it, maybe talking about fall days will not be so cute when TWW starts using his tree stand.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Another TWW half-baked commentary

When our Leader was elected Leader, the white supremest crowd was elated since they thought having a black person as Leader would mean many more converts to their cause. The problem was besides being half-wits they were only half-right. Our Leader is half-white and half-black in spite of what the major media says. So as the half-wits like to use the N-word they are wrong and when N-word attitudes spill out in the Tea Party rallies it only gives the racial moralists something to moralize over and keeps ordinary people from joining the movement since being called racist is something most people don't want to hear themselves called.

So here is the truth of the matter. Our Leader's father was a black person (B is letter two of the alphabet) and his mother a white person (letter 23 of the alphabet) so on average our Leader is letter 12.5. In math class we learned to round to the even number which in this case is 12. The twelfth letter of the alphabet is 'L'. So the correct term to use in talking about our Leader is the 'L-word'. The L-word is 'Liberal' and it captures the situation perfectly. The true problem is our Leader is a Liberal.

Thanks to multiculturalism training many people in the country have divided themselves into groups and project their evil on people not in their group. For example, the Liberals see racism everywhere and they are currently winning the game in that they have gotten people to think being a racist is bad so when they call the Tea Party crowd racist, the L-word people win.

But there is more. Our leader is really the product of affirmative action. As mentioned earlier seeing evil in others is what people do so they don't have to see their own bad side. Since we have an affirmative action president (can you picture a white person with similar experience getting elected president?) the L-word people cannot admit they elected someone less than qualified for the job. But they can express their outrage about an unqualified person like affirmative action appointee Clarence Thomas being on the Supreme Court. And they can continue to express their outrage about under-qualified Sarah Palin being chosen to run for vice president because she was a woman.

So it is time for the half-wit fringe of the Tea Partiers to stop thinking about the N-word and start to focus on the L-word. And better yet talk about liberal values not L-word people. And its time to see the L-word people as being intolerant under the guise of tolerance and diversity. Maybe some day there will be a common enemy so people can put aside there differences and unite against it. Where are the Martians when we need them?

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Life enrichment activities

9 cords down since January and one to go

Annual meeting

Invalidated validation?

While getting his daily does of right-wing propaganda disguised as news today, TWW found his favorite right-wing site had added Google ads. Oddly enough, the Google ad TWW saw was from a site showing people our Leader's birth certificate to dispel the propaganda the original site was spewing about our Leader not being eligible to be our Leader.

The reason you are seeing the birth certificate is to point out the text at the bottom saying "any alterations invalidate this certificate". Then go look at the certificate number on the top right part of the form. Rather than digits for the Certificate Number what you see has been blacked-out. Doesn't that mean the form has been altered and is invalidated?

Pointing this out does not in any sense of the word imply TWW is a birther but rather a seeker of truth and weirdness.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Going south

To escape the coming bad weather TWW and wife decided to to south for a while. Notice the southwestern style of building as seen from the hotel they stayed at.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Isn't this blog supposed to be about wooden bowls?

Most of the chips or shavings TW has been making in the last two weeks have been with a chainsaw. This bowl came from the end of a firewood log that was a little wet yet. Who knows if it will turn out when it dries out but it looked good enough for the Internet which hides blemishes. It is turned around the center of the tree instead of being flipped sideways like most bowls so the grain looks different.

BIG BUCKS finally seen on GM

At longlast TWW has seen some big bucks on Garbin Moraine. He can hardly wait to start hunting.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Bow season opened Saturday

I asked the boy beneath the pines.
He said, "The master's gone alone herb picking,
somewhere on the mount,
cloud hidden,
whereabouts unknown."

(Chin Tao, 777-841)

Deer are the Master, cloud hidden whereabuts unknown in the valley below GM manor.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Liar, liar pants on fire

We found this image on the World Net Daily site (a right wing one). They are selling the bumper stickers. We wonder how long it will be before sues for copyright violations since the left in the past had the monopoly on calling presidents liars.

source of impolite hot link for pic:

The drought is coming back

It has not rained for over a week and the GW-induced drought is coming back to GM so TWW decided it was time to water the little plants that grow in the soffits.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Quote for the day

Pat Buchanan the rabid rightwinger may be actually right on this time when he says:

" If a married couple disagreed as broadly and deeply as Americans do on such basic issues, they would have divorced and gone their separate ways long ago. What is it that still holds us together?

The European-Christian core of the country that once defined us is shrinking, as Christianity fades, the birth rate falls and Third World immigration surges. Globalism dissolves the economic bonds, while the cacophony of multiculturalism displaces the old American culture.

"E pluribus unum" – out of many, one - was the national motto the men of '76 settled upon. One sees the pluribus. But where is the unum? One sees the diversity. But where is the unity? "


Or as the rightwing fascist Republican president Abe Lincoln once said "A house divided against itself cannot stand."

Note: When TWW tried to find some stories about our Leader being the Great Unifier he only found some right-wing sites. Wasn't our Leader supposed to be the Great Unifier or was it only the rightwingers who called him that?

Late, breaking: Remember when Dr. Tiller wa shot and how it showed intolerance? Now an anti-abortion activist has met the same fate: Will the liberals be as outraged as they were when Dr. Tiller was murdered or will people just trade roles and the rightwingers be the outraged ones?

George Bush may have been a Great Unifier. He got all the people on the left unified and our current Leader may be the Great Unifier of the people on the right. We need an invasion of space aliens so the next true Great Unifer will emerge.

Finally, a way to commute guilt-free

After a long serch TWW has finally come up with a solar powered vehicle to drive to work. It will go up to 15 mph and run up to 1.5 hrs while recharging from th sun. So now you can drive to the office and feel good about yourself knowing your carbon footprint only comes from what you ate the night before.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Life enrichment by taking pictures while watering

First you need to find the hose.

Tomatoes in the north garden were all that grew this year ...

More tomatoes for Mrs TWW the tomato lover.

This squash would have been ready by Christmas if it was not so cold earlier.

This is all that survived the mysterious animal who ate the beans this year. Last year there were plenty of beans.

The electric coop gave us $30 this summer so they could turn off the AC when they felt like it. We only used once so made money on the deal.

The hops look ragged and worse yet we need to take out the hops on the east side to install the solar heating panels.
Hostas to water.

Lemon thyme to water (barely visible)

Frogs want water.

There is a creature in this picture that looks like an eel. A rock eel?

American cranberry berries

More hostas to water. TWW's shadow.

If you lived in the country full time you would have trouble finding something interesting to say too but it sure beats being in the city.

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