TWW is The Warped Woodturner who is a local artist living in a suburb of Springbrook, WI (pop 87). His mission is to use a wood lathe to make interesting but mostly useless objects from locally-sequestered carbon for tourists to bring back to the city to give to people they had to buy something for but don't like that well. His target market is the senior citizens since their vision is not as good as it used to be so cannot see the defects as well.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Trip to Texas

TWW and Mrs TWW returned from their trip to visit the relatives in Texas yesterday. The trip was a learning experience. It appears TWW's freeloading strategy needs a major overhaul. Or else someone tipped off the relatives about this blog. Every time TWW made one of his insincere offers to pay for something the relatives took him up on it. At best TWW broke even for the trip. Then to top things off the wooden tray premium TWW promised to the hostess developed a crack in the bottom TWW now has to figure out how to correct.
As an aside in a brief creative moment on the trip TWW realized he had omitted a topic. The new working outline for the book on freeloading now has the chapter 'Freeloading off of Yourself' in it.
Below are some pictures of some of the highlights of the trip with the biggest one being a tour of El BJ Ranch. We thank the tour host for the photos taken on a high quality camera. Since we only have a low quality phone line out in the country it may take a few days to upload the pictures.

Trip around the local area

The granite Texas Wall of Wealth has the names carved in it of all the rich people in Texas. Here TWW, Mrs. TWW and their host search in vain for someone they know.

Blue bells were hard to find during the trip.

El BJ Ranch

In addition to room for more government workers to feed at the public trough, even the goats benefited from the Great Society.

The Western White House.

The house where LBJ was born was rebuilt on the El BJ Ranch.

Trip to German town in Texas

Texas castle

Temporary headquarters

A luxury condo on a golf course ($70K club initiation fee) was the home base.

They could not send TWW to sit in the truck so they sent him out on the porch.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Taking the bowls on the road

TWW has not been able to update this blog for a few days since he was on the road researching his new book, ‘Sustainable Freeloading in Troubled Times’. He will be back on the road on Wednesday doing more research on the ‘Freeloading Off of Relatives’ chapter by taking a trip to Texas to visit some relatives there.
The past weekend was a freeloading success story with the amount of beer and other presents acquired at a 60th birthday party far outstripping the cost of fuel. TWW learned a new leaching lesson this year when he claimed it was his 60th birthday when it was really his 59th. The hope is next year when he really turns 60 he will be able to dupe the relatives into another party and make a haul there too.
One of the most important techniques in successful freeloading is being grateful to the people who help your cause. TWW is definitely thankful for the all the great beer (and other loot) he received. He promises to put the beer to good use in his Omentum Enhancement Program this spring.
Here are some new working chapter titles for the new book: ‘freeloading for infants’,’freeloading for kids’, ‘freeloading for college students’, ‘freeloading for adult children’, ‘freeloading in middle age’, ‘freeloading for seniors’, ‘freeloading off of relatives’, ‘freeloading for the homeless’, ‘freeloading for rich white people’,’ freeloading for corporations’, ‘freeloading for nonprofits’ and as the final chapter ‘freeloading at your funeral’ . These are only working titles and may change based on future research. If you are interested in helping with the last chapter on freeloading at your funeral please contact TWW for an interview.
So unless you hear about a plane crash of an aircraft called an ‘Embalmer’ which we are flying on Wednesday to Texas , do not worry about the absence of worthwhile information on this blog until next week. You never worried about the absence of worthwhile information on this blog before so no need to start now.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Thanks for the surprise birthday party

TWW and Mrs. TWW will be out of town for a few days to attend TWW's surprise birthday party in Rochester. TWW wants to thank his relatives ahead of time for the surprise party and promises to act surprised.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

The Unvisceration of 10 Birch Bowls

In leading the simple life one has to find novel ways to amuse oneself. Here is a pile of solid birch half-done bowls with their bowels intact.

Here is the pile of bowls less their bowels.

Here is the gut pile. We hope this did not gross you out.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Success story

After only being in place for only two days the Daylight Savings Time program has gotten temperatures around Garbin Moraine back to normal. Lets hope the next regime in Washington does not disband the program and make it colder up here again next year.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Life enrichment via food

Thanks to the anonymous donor to our cause.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Weather report

We are sorry to again offend the people whose religion tells them the world is ending due to warming but it it cold out here and spring is only 12 days away. Hopefully Daylight Savings Time will help warm us up starting tomorrow.

Friday, March 07, 2008

New Definitions

Liberals are people who whine about how warm it is in March and want a government program to prevent warming.

Conservatives and libertarians complain about how cold it is outside in March and do something about it without government bureaucracy.

Notice capture of solar radiation by the masonry stove. At Garbin Moraine we strive for energy efficiency.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Hoping for change

We know all of our attempts to educate you on how global warming is impacting Garbin Moraine are leaving some of our 7 viewers out in the cold so we are shifting to talking about something new. Since hope and change are in the air we are hoping for the government to do something to enrich our lives. Our first hope is that the early shift to Daylight Savings Time will make us feel warm and fuzzy. The extra hour of sunlight the government promised us should start warming things up. (The government promised us it would). But for now we just shiver and hope.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

More proof of global warming

A consensus of computer models predicts Garbin Moraine will run out of 2007/2008 burning year firewood on 04/01/2008. This means we have to use wood cut in 09/2007 and will incur a carbon debt as a result. Who ever dreamed it would be so cold this heating seeason since the earth is warming up.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Bowl Kits Being Test Marketed

TWW Enterprises is thinking of marketing do-it-yourself bowl kits. Customers often want to feel a part of the creative process and this gives them the chance to assemble a bowl and then put the finish of their choice on the bowl. Below is a sample bowl kit.

Here is the completed bowl awaiting the finish.

If you are interested in one of these kits leave a comment.

Spalted Red Pine Popcorn Bowl

This is a great bowl for freeloaders disguised as guests. If you find yourself with one of these (as mentioned in the article at the very start of this blog) you can plug in the gasoline generator outside their bedroom window and run it at night. But there are occasions when that idea won't fly so then this popcorn bowl is a good tool to use. You merely serve popcorn in the bowl to your guests and wait until they notice (you may have to help them notice) the little black flecks or stains on the popcorn. When they ask what it is from you tell them about how the bacteria and fungi grow in the wood and change the colors to create the beautiful colors in the bowl. When they realize they are eating bacteria and fungi there is a good chance they will decide it is time to go home.

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