TWW is The Warped Woodturner who is a local artist living in a suburb of Springbrook, WI (pop 87). His mission is to use a wood lathe to make interesting but mostly useless objects from locally-sequestered carbon for tourists to bring back to the city to give to people they had to buy something for but don't like that well. His target market is the senior citizens since their vision is not as good as it used to be so cannot see the defects as well.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Obama Meditation Instructions

Awaiting on You All by George Harrison
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You don't need no love in
You don't need no bed pan
You don't need a horoscope or a microscope
The see the mess that you're in
If you open up your heart
You will know what I mean
We've been polluted so long
Now here's a way for you to get clean
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By chanting the names of the lord and you'll be free
The lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
Chanting the names of the lord and you'll be free
The lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
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The Obama Meditation
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Introduction
In the past many people have wanted to learn how to meditate to ease the stresses of modern life but have had to pay for expensive lessons. But now millions of people are learning to meditate and many are even doing it during political speeches. It’s easy if you merely follow the directions below.

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Instructions
1. Find a quite place or wear room-quieting earphones
2. Wear loose comfortable clothes.
3. Sit quietly and try to only pay attention to your breathing.
4. Now start saying "OBAMA" out loud.
5. Then say "OBAMa". Then "OBAma", "Obama". "obama". Say the mantra over and over while lowering the volume until you are only chanting "obama" silently. Chant this mantra over and over again. If a stray thought like "McCain" or "Hillary" comes into your thoughts, no need to be alarmed. Ignore it and shift your attention back to "obama, obama, obama, obama".
6. After a few minutes of doing this waves of relaxation will begin to pass throughout your body as cares and body fat melt away.
7. Continue this for about 15 to 20 minutes.
8. This practice is best done in the morning when you first wake up and in the afternoon after work.
9. Doing this meditation will heal all of the damage you have done to your body during the last 7 years of frustration and turmoil. Health benefits will begin to appear within days of beginning this practice.

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Peace, love and Obama 08.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Morale of the story

He shot an arrow

into the air.

It fell to earth he knows not where.


Morale of story: Buying a pricey, yuppie toy cannot overcome incompetence on the part of the operator.


Wednesday, February 27, 2008

New Letters to the Bloggeditor

As part of a narcissistic delusion TWW has been sending letters to the editors of local papers thinking he was doing a public service. He has finally realized nobody ever read the letters so as a further service to humanity he is going to send the letters to the Bloggeditor of this blog for posting on the blog where nobody will read them either. The big difference is it will help save trees.

Letter to Bloggeditor

Bloggeditor:

There is a bright side to the current housing crisis you seldom hear about. A conservative president in the 1980s had the chance to reform Social Security but fortunately did try to do so. When Reagan signed a Social Security reform in the 80s he missed the chance to privatize social security. Instead of the stock market option in the failed Bush approach, Reagan could have changed Social Security so the money held in trust had gone into home loans. Just think if he had done so. Today the losses in home loans would be losses in the investment portfolio of the Social Security program. The media would be bonkers about the losses. Fortunately, the extra money from the raised social taxes at the time was put into Treasury bonds. The government spent the money instead of losing any of it from current crisis in the housing market.

TWW

Sunday, February 24, 2008

More community service - part 1

Giving back to the community is a life enriching experience. The people at Garbin Moraine decided to help a student with a Future Freeloaders of America (FFA) project by giving him their previously-owned small freezer. He promises to store any beer he may acquire in it until he turns legal age. Here is the story in pictures.




More community service - part 2



With the freezer attached to the car, we also helped him with his next FFA project by shooting the video for his YouBoob feature video on how his parents should get him a new truck.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

The BIG race


TWW volunteered to work at the BIG ski race today. Unfortunately, his camera quit working after he had taken only one picture so he could not get any compromising pics of former coworkers.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Minnesotans for Global Warming

Thanks to our Minnesota correspondent, HFEC, we have found a grassroots movement working against corporate control of the information people get. see http://www.m4gw.com:2005/m4gw/ Part of their home page is shown above.

They also have a great song on YouBoob at this link: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJUFTm6cJXM>
ps. many thanks for the people at www.blogger.com for getting their spell checking function working again so TWW does not look like a country heck who cannot spell.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Life Enrichment Opportunity


Want to win a free trip to the Big Apple and $10,000 to boot? In addition, if you pass a lie detector test you win $90,000 more for a total of $100,000. All you have to do is make a YouBoob video claiming you had an affair with Hillary Clinton. WWW.WhiteHouse.com (a porn site turned political site) has already awarded a free trip to someone (see blog entry for February 18th) for his claims of an affair with Barrack Obama in 1999. The other prize for a Hillary affair is still unclaimed so if you always wanted to see the Big Apple and become famous get that video camera rolling. WWW.White.House.com is an equal opportunity employer so anyone can enter their contest. Please note: affairs with Bill Clinton are not eligible for this contest.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Gray February - part 1

The month of February is the low point of the year for TWW but Mrs. Tww does not buy it so TWW went out to get some proof of how gray the world is in February. The only thing missing on this photo shoot was global warming.



Gray February - Part 2






Gray February - part 3





Sunday, February 17, 2008

Introducing the Bowlbama





Americans are craving for change from the arrogant bowls of the recent past. The new Bowlbama will meet the inner longings arising from the lifeless bowls of this recent past as unfettered capitalism prompted a race to the bottom of the bowl due to greedy corporations outsourcing production to distant shores.
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The Bowlbama hopes to be become a leader in sustainable living and giving hope to people. The Bowlbama is both art and function. It comes unfinished since TWW believes it is not possible to decide how customers will want their Bowlbamas to look. (Finishing kits will be available at additional cost to customers and profit for TWW).
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Based on a recent focus group session held at TWW Enterprises headquarters we can safely say people see whatever they are hoping for in a Bowlbama. Well-educated seekers of serenity can take two Bowlbamas and hold them over their ears and cares will fade away. Working class people like construction workers and loggers can attach straps to Bowlbamas and have a hardhat with a low carbon footprint (OSHA approval is expected soon). Psychotherapists and salespeople can merely place a Bowlbama on their desk and their clients will start seeing all of their unconscious thoughts in the Bowlbamas. A nursing home worker in the focus group said the Bowlbamas would make good earth-friendly bedpans. A store owner in the focus group thought you could turn a Bowlbama upside down, put a hole in the top and use it for a Christmas trees stand. Whatever you hope for you can find in a Bowlbama.

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You may be able to soon see Bowlbamas in action. We have learned someone is going to remake the Peter Sellers movie Being There. When you see the new movie be sure to look at what is sitting on the table.

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Unlike other TWW Enterprise products which have guarantees the nature of the Bowlbamas means a warranty is not possible and all sales are final. The only way you will find out if you got what you think you paid for is to buy one and try it.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Bush lies

A reporter for the New York times once told Albert Einstein something Einstein had said did not make sense. Einstein replied: "Vell, you are the reporter from the New York Times and I am only a simple scientist".

Recently, Wolf Blitzer was interviewing George Bush and Bush told him "Well, you are the pundit and I am only a simple president".

Einstein was putting down the reporter and so was Bush. The real question is how people cannot understand what a simple person like Bush is actually saying. So, did you understand what Bush really said?

Now how did Bush lie? The story about Einstein is made up.

Pray for global warming


Sunday, February 10, 2008

Hillary answering a question on why she is still married



More proof of the Maunder Minimum

Commentary:
There appear to be two separate processes going on at the same time. The planet is getting warmer and colder at once. Global warming is warming up the planet and the Maunder Minimum is cooling the planet down.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

The new menace: the Maunder Minimum

As the experts predict wind chills on Garbin Moraine of -50F tonight it is time to pray for global warming. It is the only thing that can save us from the Maunder Minimum. No longer will it only be colder than Hell since Hell, Michigan will also be colder than hell.

" The Maunder Minimum is the name given to the period roughly from 1645 to 1715, when sunspots became exceedingly rare, as noted by solar observers of the time. It is named after the solar astronomer Edward W. Maunder (1851–1928) who discovered the dearth of sunspots during that period by studying records from those years. During one 30-year period within the Maunder Minimum, for example, astronomers observed only about 50 sunspots, as opposed to a more typical 40,000–50,000 spots..... The Maunder Minimum coincided with the middle — and coldest part — of the so-called Little Ice Age, during which Europe and North America, and perhaps much of the rest of the world, were subjected to bitterly cold winters. Whether there is a causal connection between low sunspot activity and cold winters is the subject of ongoing debate (e.g. see Global Warming). " The source of this information is:
see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maunder_Minimum

With the end of the oil age in sight people will need a way to stay warm during the coming Maunder Minimum so let's hope global warming comes to the rescue.

Here is a source to learn more about the drop in sun spots: http://ibdeditorial.com/IBDArticles.aspx?id=287279412587175

Friday, February 08, 2008

Global Warming Boots

These new global warming boots are dual purpose. First, you can wear them whenever you hear the global warming crowd predicting the end of the planet. Second, in case the global waming people are right and Greenland is really going to fall into the ocean and raise water levels you can wear these boots to keep your feet dry. Either way you have made a good purchase.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

New Survey

After being surrounded with people having an irrational hatred of George Bush it appears the conservatives now have become a mob of irrational Mc Cain haters. There is a dissertation topic in this phenomenom for someone at a liberal university. Let's hope they use this blog as a source. Vote early and vote often (if the software lets you).

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Another botched attempt to save the planet


TWW bought some green grocery bags in the store today to help save the planet by not asking for grocery bags. When he got home he realized he needed paper bags to put his paper in for recycling or the waste hauler would not accept the paper. So, if he uses the green bags he will have no paper bags for recycling the rest of his paper and will have to throw the paper in the trash instead of recycling it. And people want the environmentalists to regulate our lives?

Close enough for government work


TWW is joining the ranks of insignificant people who make news by endorsing a candidate. The endorsement is conditional. If Rush Limbaugh ever starts saying anything nice about Mc Cain this endorsement is immediately withdrawn as a way of making news a second time.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Back to the mission


The true mission is to keep Mrs. TWW happy. Above 4 of perhaps 6 oak salad bowls for Mrs. TWW.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Quote for the day

"If the American people had elected me 8 years ago the country woudn't be in such a mess".

source of quote: http://warpedwoodturner.blogspot.com/2008/02/quote-for-day.html

Saturday, February 02, 2008

New Model Government Program Now Available


In the spirit of change and bringing people together the federal government recently began a new program. This program could become a model for all future government programs. It meets all the basic criteria for a model government program. First, it makes the people think government has solved the problem for them. Second, it saves the taxpayers money. And third, it contains features so if it does not save money or solve the problem it has someone to blame.



The TV Converter Box Program solves the problem of poor retirees in the country not being able to get free TV after February 2009 when all TV goes digital. (Poor people in the city have cable so don’t need this program and younger people in the country have satellite TV)). The program lets people apply for free coupons that will cover much of cost of the magic converter box to keep their old analog TVs getting free programs.



The program saves money by ingeniously putting a three month life on the coupons. The program is underfunded (also saving money) so consumers are advised to sign up early before the supply of coupons runs out. Next, the second ingenious part of this program. The stores do not yet sell the converter boxes so if you get your coupon no store can sell you a converter box before your coupon expires. There is a household limit so you cannot get more coupons even if the stores start carrying the converter boxes later. So if lots of people sign up early for the coupons the coupons will expire before they can buy their converter boxes.



Finally, the program has someone to blame. The big corporations knew about the coupon program but failed to build the converter boxes fast enough to meet the demand so they could raise prices and add to their obscene profits. If your coupon is no good it their fault and not the politicians .



This new program is a response to the public clamoring for change so watch for it to become part of the debates in the coming election. The real genius of this new model is it may also become part of the way the federal government solves the social security problem handed down by the New Deal Democrats to the Democrat politicians in the 70s and 80s who made things worse by putting a COLA into Social Security. The program was also made worse when Reagan and the Democrats raised the payroll taxes for Social Security and then spent all the extra money (the federal government bought treasury bonds taxpayers have to eventually pay back). The politicians are still working out who to blame for Social Security recipients getting benefits cut but we think politicians will blame the rich people for not paying their fair share of Social Security taxes in the past without mentioning the fact the government would have spent all that extra money anyway.



To learn more about this model new government program see: https://www.dtv2009.gov.

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