TWW is The Warped Woodturner who is a local artist living in a suburb of Springbrook, WI (pop 87). His mission is to use a wood lathe to make interesting but mostly useless objects from locally-sequestered carbon for tourists to bring back to the city to give to people they had to buy something for but don't like that well. His target market is the senior citizens since their vision is not as good as it used to be so cannot see the defects as well.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Public Notice

Due to concerns about Mr. TWW's stability I had him committed to a local hospital. The doctors assure me the treatment will be successful and he will be discharged in about a week. So if you do not see any updates to this blog for the next week rest assured he is receiving the best care possible and he will return to work soon. -- Mrs. TWW

Saturday, September 15, 2007

The BANANAs - Introduction


Mr. BANANA showing up for work in the morning with his signature John Deere.





Mrs. BANANA going for a joyride on her John Deere.



What follows is the story of the BANANAs. Due to privacy concerns we are calling them the BANANAs. In real life they are BA and NA. They will soon be graduates of the Country Freeloading Academy and receive their Certified Country Freeloader (CCF) certificates.

For their student project they choose to build a massive pole garage with freeloaded labor. They achieved a nearly perfect score on the project needing only an excavator to clear the driveway.

In addition they achieved what no other graduates have yet achieved. For people unfamiliar with the principles of country freeloading, the idea is you get people to contribute to your cause and then give them small premiums (like public TV and radio do) so the supporters feel good and keep giving you more support. The BANANAs were the first students to get supporters to donate the premiums they in turn received back so they could feel good about being contributors.

The BANANAs will soon receive their CCFs as soon as we clear up a minor glitch. The BANANAs thought their tuition for the academy was free also so do not want to pay it. Once this is settled the BANANAs will join the ranks of Certified Country Freelaoders.


Congratulations to the BANANAs!


note: For more information on the origins of the principles of country freeloading see: http://warpedwoodturner.blogspot.com/2005/12/successful-country-freeloading.html

The BANANAs Part 1 - The Construction Process




The BANANAs Part 2 - Some of the Workers

"Why am I here when I could be chasing coeds?"




The skilled volunteer workers discus strategy


After being shamed because all he did was ride around on his John Deere tractor, the owner finally pitched in to earn his premiums.

The BANANAs Part 3 - Working Smarter Not Harder

Deciding how to use the tractor to get plywood up to the roof.




Power naps are always the smartest way to work.


Two tins short of a roof. Murphy's Law or Menard's Law? (We report - you decide)




They made TWW go sit in the truck after not working smarter (messing up) the 3rd time.


The BANANAs Part 4 - Frost Warning

Mr. BANANA heard there was a freeze warning for the next night so he decided to hook up his snowblower to the John Deere so he was ready.


The BANANAs Part 5 - Premiums



The BANANAs Part 6 - SUCCESS !

"It's beautiful" exclaimed Mr. BANANAs.





"Since I am the only skilled worker who lasted all week, I want to attribute my success to the power naps."


Mr. BANANAs putting on his gloves to put the last touches on his new toy storage shop.

The BANANAs Part 7 - Going Back Home


Sunday, September 09, 2007

Bottomless Bowl instructions

Since most forward-looking socially responsible organizations publish operations manuals on their Web sites, TWW Enterprises has started doing so also. Below are instructions for a Bottomless Bowl.

TWW Enterprises
Springbrook, WI, USA
Congratulations on the purchase of your new Bottomless Bowl we hope you will find many innovative uses for your new bowl.


Instructions:

  1. Never put liquids in this bowl. It is meant only for solid items.
  2. Place bowl on flat surface.
  3. Fill bowl with any solid items of your choosing.
  4. Keep the bowl away from the edges of the flat surface.
  5. To see the bowl in action ask a friend to pick it up.


Special notice: TWW Enterprises assumes no liability if your friend decides to get even.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Look twice; back-up once


Help wanted to sing new advertising jingle

The marketing department of TWW Enterprises has come up with a new advertising jingle:

Yea! My Bucket's Got A Bowl In It
And My Bowl Has Got A Hole In It
Ya See My Bowl Has Got A Hole In It
I can see right through.

TWW Enterprises is currently seeking a singer to sing the jing. To apply for an audition please leave a message or post your audition on YouBoob.com.

Where's Bowlo?



Playing a minor supporting role in the picture above is one of TWW's bowls. TWW once again stands in awe of other people's creative work.

Credits: Nancy was the designer and Robert was the photographer.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Another New Product Series Announced


TWW Enterprises is pleased to announce an addition to its product line. Current products include the Boring Bowl series (finished with mineral oil to be safe for food) and the Bottomless Bowl series. The new series of bowls were named by Mrs. TWW. Upon seeing the bowl shown above (8" x 3" aspen) she exclaimed "Yuk!". Mrs. TWW. does not like shiny bowls.

The Yuck! Bowl product line fills a market niche unmet by the existing two series of bowls. The new bowls have many uses. You can use them to keep unwanted guests from coming to stay. The VOCs in the shellac finish will outgas into salads and leave unwanted or freeloading guests feeling slightly sick. Once they realize every time they come to stay with you they feel sick, they will eventually stop returning.

Other uses include using the bowls to poison husbands and shortening the time you need to wait to inherit something from a will you are named in.

The bowls require minimum maintenance. All that is needed is a fresh coat of shellac every few months or shortly before unwanted guests arrive to refresh the VOCs.

The new series will be made in our new China room in our Garbin production facility. You can recognize them by looking for the Made in China Room label on the bottom.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Another focus group session

TWW Enterprises held another focus group last night. It only took a few TV beers (TWW forgot to put the good beer in the frig) to loosen people up enough for them to come up with some innovative new uses for the Bottomless Bowl line of products.


Use #1: If you need to have both hands free to put the make on your favorite female (FF) here is a way to do it:



Idea #2: If you are trying to attract a FF it helps to have a good knowledge of beer. Here Jr demos using a Bottomless Bowl to catch spills from a beer glass (note: his was filled with root beer instead of adult beverages).


Idea#3: Here is a good way to keep your glass from being knocked over by some drunken slob who is trying to put the make on the FF you are after.

Idea #4: Here is protection from both spills and drunken slobs.


Idea #5: When leaving home for a trip attach a bottomless bowl to your front door to keep burglars from being able to turn the knob on the door.



If you already have purchased a Bottomless Bowl and found some innovative uses for it please share them with the rest of us by leaving a comment on this post. If you want to buy a Bottomless Bowl you can find find them on our secure ordering site and Amazon.com.

Past posts you fortunately may have missed

Garbin Monraine Foundation Pledge Week Donor Levels

Donation Levels

It's All About Me

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Weather at the cabin

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